Lately, Aura has been brandishing this toy lipstick, a stealthy plastic thing that infiltrated the house via a toy hairdressing set, hidden as it was in the package behind a toy straightening iron. Since I don’t allow her to have other pretend makeup-y things yet, Aura considers the lipstick a rogue and therefore all-the-more-beloved treasure.
On an exhaustingly regular basis, she asks me if I’d “like some lipstick,” then proceeds to rub the thing all over my general mouth area. But the other day she paused in the middle of the rubbing. “Mommy?” she asked. “How do you really put on lipstick, real lipstick?”
I paused, too. “Um,” I said. “Well, I’m not all that sure, honey. I kind of still need to learn how to use lipstick.”
Aura patted my shoulder consolingly. “We’ll learn together,” she replied, then stuck a toy curler in my hair and got out the toy crimping iron.
Yes. At 33 (freshly minted this week, thank you very much), I suppose it is about time I learned how to wear lipstick properly. It’s not as if I haven’t tried before–I have. There was a prom! And this work party of Adam’s about…let’s see…five years ago! Granted, I spent 57% of each event in the bathroom, frantically staring in the mirror to convince myself that I did not in fact have lipstick on my teeth.
Dug out the five-year-ago lipstuff. Nearly positive this brand no longer exists. FYI.
There. I admitted it: I don’t wear lipstick because it terrifies me. Some people fear heights. Others fear communicable disease, or, you know, death. Me? I fear lipstick. How do you wear it without worrying? How you know if your upper-lip-challenged (as in hardly there) lipline is not betraying you? I’ll stand there in Sephora, battling vertigo as I stare down the metallic tubes and twinkling vials and good God APPLICATORS, and it’s as if I’ve stumbled into a parallel universe. A make-up know-how universe, home to the Planet of Proper Lipstick Application, which I might be allowed to visit if I figure out how to speak the language of Matte, Glossy, and Sheer.
But I know it’s time to get with the program. It’s gotten to the point where I’m a little…sensitive about this lipstick-less existence. At our Moms’ Night Out dinners, I watch the other preschool mothers out of the corner of my (mascaraed! really!) eye, and their mouths are these gorgeous slick slashes of wonder. I mean, they line their lips AT THE TABLE. WITHOUT A MIRROR. It causes one to wonder if they also DRIVE with THEIR EYES CLOSED and it makes me feel INCOMPETENT.
Plus, the other night, as I was dressing for a rare night out, Adam looked me up and down and remarked, “You know what would make that outfit even better? If you tried a little lipstick.”
To which I retorted, “And you know what would make your outfit better? If you were STRUCK MUTE.”
See? From these long-naked lips comes vitriol. Truthful vitriol, of course, but vitriol nonetheless. Sigh. Perhaps I’ll start with a satin finish. I bet that’s what all the nice girls do.
You don’t need lipstick because you are naturally beautiful! And Aura is too!
Also, I’m impressed that you’re up before 7am! 
LOVE the response to Adam. Sounds like something I would say to my hubs.
You know, I fear lipstick a little myself. First of all, it tastes funny. And then, how are you supposed to know when you need to re-apply? And then the migrating outside of the lip line, etc, etc… it’s all just too much! I usually have some kind of light color on, but it’s from Burt’s Bees. And it’s more of a lip balm really.
lipstick is overrated anway. I prefer the lip stained cherry popsicle look myself.
They start so young.
I’m not a fan of lipstick either…chapstick and lip gloss yes, good stuff! But no lipstick most of the time.
Rimmel still is a big company, so your 5 year old lipstick can probably be replaced
Lipstick? Whatever. Try deciding on your “shirt before the shirt”. Black or white. White or black. Ribbed, not ribbed. Do I gel the hair before or after.
I tell ya’ it aint easy being me.
PL&L
You’re lucky that you’re lovely enough that you don’t even require such things. Adam should stick it. You can tell him I said so. (FYI – Sephora intimidates the heck out of me too!)
Lipstick IS tricky. I find gloss to be a bit easier. Too funny about your little one!