So! I came down with a slight cold this week! And guess what I suddenly remembered!
!!!
SUDAFED IS THE GREATEST CREATION EVER!
Seriously, you guys. Have you had a Sudafed lately? The real stuff, with the actual pseudoephedrine? The thing is like a miracle drug. My appetite, normally a raging monster that can sense refined sugar within two miles, has virtually disappeared. And while I still may be unable to smell anything, or even, you know, breathe that well, MAN DO I HAVE ENERGY.
I was down to only one dose when the cold set in, so a trip to the drugstore was in order. As I was showing my driver’s license to the pharmacist (you know, so they could record my name and track my Sudafed purchases and OH GEORGE ORWELL WERE YOU ON THE MONEY), I leaned toward her conspiratorially. “I don’t blame you for being careful,” I murmured, drumming my fingers on the counter while bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet. “This stuff is SO GOODÂ it’s no wonder people buy it to make crystal meth.”
Luckily, she had just handed me the box when I delivered that last line, so I didn’t get to see the worried look on her face, or witness how she ran out to the parking lot to copy down my license plate number. I just drove on home, one hand on the wheel while the other popped those beautiful scarlet tablets from their cozy foil-wrap enclosure. “NO MORE FOIL FOR YOU, SUDAFED!” I howled at top volume. “IT’S ALL ME NOW!”
Sadly, the cold appears to be on its way out, so I’ve only had a couple of doses today. But I knew there was still a little bit of the magic coursing through my veins this afternoon, while attending Aura’s class pool party. Another mother casually asked if Adam and I were planning to have any more kids, a query that usually produces a frenzied mishmashed reply of GOD NO NEVER AGAIN WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK. But today, hyped on the good stuff and harboring enough energy to power a reactor and potentially take care of two children, I answered, “Maybe. It might be nice.”
On second thought, perhaps Sudafed should be illegal.
I’m going to buy you more sudafed on your birthday (to get you pregnant), not for crystal meth production!
Perhaps meth is not so bad…it may solve the problems of mother’s of multiples the world over.
Um, obviously I mean SUDAFED. Yes, Sudafed.
Energy? hmmm . . . I could totally use some of that. What do you think would happen if I took it when I didn’t have a cold?
Four words for you, sweetheart: Valley of the Dolls. HA.
Wow, now I regret not having allergies! You are a funny, funny lady. Love it.
I have a cold. And now I am coveting Sudafed. SO MUCH BETTER than this Tylenol crap I’m taking.
Sidenote–a new member of my playgroup asked if I was done having kids. When I replied, “HELL NO!”, she looked at me weird.
I must remember that not everyone is as crazy as me.
Also, you should have another. For real.
Wait. Sara replied hell no to being done? Ummmm. Sara? Is there something you need to tell me?
Ok, so we need to get you hopped up on the Fed before you write your posts. This was magical.
I am going to buy some Sudafed. I can’t remember ever taking it before but I’m willing to give it a go. Also please do not get pregnant before BlogHer. I don’t want to look like an alcoholic while you sip organic lemonade.
You’re not kidding! They make a HUGE difference in how well the meds work. That stuff is magic!
Sudafed is absolutely the ONLY medicine that I can take for a cold that doesn’t give me a weird side effect like seeing trails coming off my fingers. It is the most magical, wonderful medication known to man.
[...] BAM! it’s two weeks since your last blog post. I’d blame the Sudafed, but we all know I’d leave Adam and possibly Aura in a heartbeat if someone offered me a lifetime supply. So, no vicious lies today. Just a brief [...]