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Please, no quacking jokes. I’m still recovering. A lot.

I’m not sure how many of you remember the Great Duck Fiasco of Thanksgiving 2010 (main plot points: Adam attempts to shun centuries of tradition by insisting on duck for the main course instead of turkey; threatens to cook rabbit for Easter if he doesn’t get his way, leading me to yell things like YOU SHREWD JEW YOU). It was an almost-pivotal moment in our holiday history as a family, foiled only by the fact that, huh! Whole Foods didn’t carry ducks on Thanksgiving week because EVERYONE ELSE IS BUYING TURKEYS. So of course we had roast chicken.

Unfortunately, Adam planned ahead this year, buying two ducks (because one unwanted duck is never quite enough)  from some Web site where people deranged enough to buy Thanksgiving ducks buy their Thanksgiving ducks. The birds arrived Wednesday afternoon and I knew things were only going from bad to worse when I saw the wrappers, which read “Fresh Young Duckling.”

Why? Why did it have to be described that way, all lovely and youthful and reminiscent of those little darling fuzzballs I see every spring by the pond down the street? I mean, you go with “Fresh Young Duckling” and you might as well be planning to cook up a

or perhaps a

It didn’t help matters that Aura kept parading around the house asking if she could “eat the beak,” then, when told these ducks would be, er, bill-less, she switched to demands for “THE LEGS.”  This is what happens when you allow your husband to drag your small child to every Korean and Japanese market under the sun, where she learns to cagily size up live octopuses and extremely fresh and…exotic cuts of pork. Granted, I knew she was bordering on bloodthirsty when she ate the eye of a fried red snapper at a Mexican place last year (SO CRISPY CAN I HAVE THE OTHER ONE TOO WHAT’S WRONG MOMMY YOU LOOK WEIRD) but still. The beak?

duck for thanksgiving

The clincher: Adam overtrimmed the neck of one of the ducks. So not only did I have to force down duck on that most trytophan-sacred of all holidays, I had to force down duck that looked for all the world like it was embarking on a really big poop.

duck for thanksgiving

All this has taught me that we’re having Chinese food for Christmas. Vegetarian Chinese food. I sure am thankful for Chinese food.

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