Remember that whole situation back in 2003 with CIA operative Valerie Plame? Someone who supposedly wasn’t supposed to talk talked and then words were published and all hell briefly broke loose? That? That wouldn’t have happened if someone in this family had been involved. As you can see:
[Scene: Kindergarten pick-up. Noon. On a Monday. Or a Tuesday. Even a Wednesday. To be safe, let’s just go with “every single freakin’ day.”]
Me: Hey, sweetie! How was school today? Did you have fun?
Aura: Hi! Yes.
Me: Yes what? Yes, it was fun? Tell me, what did you guys do today?
Aura: We played. Mommy, did you know that there is a toy dog that walks by itself? It’s called a Furreal Friend.
Me: [deep breath] That’s nice. It sounds great. Did you talk about Furreal Friends with someone in your class, maybe? Who did you play with today, anyway?
Aura: Other kids. But what I wanted to tell you is that the ad I saw said you can buy Furreal Friends at Target.
Me: Good to know. So, today was music class in school, right? Any new or interesting songs?
Aura: Well, we did this thing where we acted out “The Farmer in the Dell.” There’s a dog in “The Farmer in the Dell.” Furreal Friends are dogs too, you know. They have them at Target.
Me: YES. I AM AWARE OF THIS NOW. [deeper breath] But tell me, which part did you play in the song?
Aura: I was the cat, so I chased Mindy, who was the rat.
Me: Oh! So! Mindy! There’s a Mindy in your class! That’s great to know! Is she nice? Do you guys talk a lot?
Aura: Uh-huh. And I think she might have a Furreal Friend.
Me: Huh. Really? So you guys had a conversation, then?
Aura: No. I just have a feeling that she has one. And I bet she went to Target to buy it.
Me: RIGHT. GOT IT. What about your journal? Did you guys draw or write anything today?
Me: [deepest breath in the history of world; maybe the universe; or a galaxy, assuming that galaxies are even vaster, which I am pretty sure they’re not; they may cover this in kindergarten, yet I will never know] PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU DREW. AS YOU MUST BE ABLE TO SENSE, I AM SUDDENLY ON THE EDGE. IT IS SOMEHOW VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU DREW, RIGHT NOW.
Aura: Oh, I thought I told you! I drew a Furreal Friend.