Since Friday morning, I’ve been wracking my brain for something to post about, something beyond a rundown of the numbingly boring drivel that became my weekend. But it’s SO MUCH WORK. Here, let me show you Post Ideas #1-3, all of which suck equally. I appreciate such equal suckage, though. It seems to make everything so much…fairer.
Failed Idea #1: The We-Discriminate-Against-the Vertically-Challenged Photo Booth
When you feed three hard-earned dollars into a photo booth at Bouncy Castle Kingdom, you really do think that the camera will catch your daughter and her two equally diminutive friends posing. You believe, even. But no. The booth is apparently only for those 4’5″ and above. I’d write to the manufacturer to complain about the lack of proper warning signage, but when I looked for an address on the back of the machine all I could find was a label that said HAHAHA SUCKER I EAT PEOPLE AS GULLIBLE AS YOU FOR BREAKFAST.
Failed Idea #2: Mulch. A Big Pile of It.
You know that saying A picture is worth a thousand words? Well, in this case, I’m thinking I saved myself about 18 words. They go something like this: HELP HELP SAVE ME I’M STARTING TO ACT SUBURBAN KEEP ME AWAY FROM MINIVANS AND HYBRID DOG BREEDS.
Failed Idea #3: Bubble Guns and the Rage They Inspire
Oh, and by “rage,” I mean mine, not hers. She was fine with the fact that the bubble solution in the Fun Bubbles Gun! just pours onto the freshly hosed-down deck with abandon. And onto my shorts, the only pair that fit properly at the moment. And onto my soul, which may very well never be redeemed by a higher power because I said about five-and-a-half especially bad words in front of an impressionable child when the bubbles floated over to the grill and popped on the burgers. Turns out ketchup CANNOT cure all ills, after all. Effin’ ketchup.
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So, you see. I am completely and devastatingly out of viable fodder. Will you help? Please? Ask questions and I shall answer! Suggest a topic and I will try to address it! IT WILL BE SO EXCITING. OR SOMETHING.
Those who participate might even get a little envelope of mulch sent to them. Or a three-year-old. No promises, though.
I’m all full-up on three-year olds, but if you were to promise an infant that I didn’t have to birth myself, my hormones just might take you up on it. But alas I have no clever topics to suggest. The photo booth thing is pretty darn annoying, though!
I think I like it best when you have “nothing” to write about because I’m giggling like a little schoolgirl. Amen.
I can feel your frustration and even though you have “nothing” to write about, we wait anyway, loving it like the show about nothing. I am sure some topic about nothing will crop us soon. In the meantime, your fans can excitedly look forward to the next post.
I would like to hear your reasoning on this: If you had to move elsewhere in our Solar System–What planet would you live on and why?
I would also like to know your thoughts on women who do not shave or wax their armpits.
I’ll take the three year old please.
omg, those photos are hysterical! Who would have thunk? Well, obviously not the paying customer in you!
If it makes you feel any better, I was spreading mulch yesterday myself!
OK, the picture in # 1 looks like you have a collection of heads on the top shelf of a closet.
I SO wish I had a topic or a question for you, but my own well is dry as well. If I think of something, I’ll come back. Or maybe I’ll just write my own post. We’ll see how bad it gets. . .
See what happens when you start dieting? Your brain is deprived of valuable fat and you run out of posting ideas.
I would like to read about:
- what you were like as a kid
- stupid stuff you did in high school
- how you came up with Aura’s name
I love how you manage to successfully pull off a non-post. And I’m totally with you on the damn bubble rage. That crap gets everywhere!
Question: What do you do for your job?
And yes, I am interested in the three year old. Can she cook or clean?
That photo booth is heightist. I’d sue!! Or maybe not, but it sounded good.
My mom has an album full of pictures similar to those photo booth snaps. Talent runs in our family.
Ummm….When will it ever stop raining?
Sorry, you just said ask questions. You didn’t specify type.
Topic idea: “I need ideas for blog material.”
Oops…seems you’ve covered that.
How about explaining why Brats dolls insist on looking mentally retarded. I’d be interested to know why.
We have no true landscaping to talk about in these parts, but I think an envelope of mulch would be a cool thing to be mailed to my Post Office. You may live in Suburbia, but I live in Small Village, so Michelle or Melvin are sure to converse with me for at least 5 minutes and ask me why there appears to be dirt in my Po Box.
I thought these were all wonderful topics. First of all, those jerks at Bouncy Castle Kingdom should have been keeping in mind that lots of their patrons would have been around that smaller height. Those photo booth people are crooks! What gives!?
Also I think the mulch pile photo would have also worked beautifully for a Wordless Wednesday post.
And soapy burgers? No good. I don’t think I’ve ever met a bubble gun that wasn’t a total piece of crap.
How about, what is your favorite activity to do with Aura? And what activity does she absolutely love that you cannot abide?
What I really want to know, though, is where you’re gonna put all that mulch. Your yard is full of rocks. Are you mulching the rocks? It could work, as a rustic “glacier-was-here” kind of look.
Send me some mulch. I have shrubbery.
Strike that – have you seen Dirt Girl? And did you find it as freakishly distrubing as I did?
Lets talk about the Bruin’s and how you lose both a 3-0 series lead and a 3-0 Game 7 lead.
I’m waiting….
Or, you could write about that fabulous couple that lives on East Foster Street. I hear they are extremely interesting.
You are a genius. Even your so-called suckish blog ideas have me rolling on the floor. Meanwhile, I am absolutely interested in getting an envelope of mulch in the mail. Will you trade me for an envelope of jello?