(I hold these truths to be self-evident. Also, extremely expensive.)
1. Approach, rather lackadaisically, the toy catalogs that have recently arrived by the armload. Let the bright purple circling marker dangle loosely from your fingers, as to give the impression that Eh, You May Have Better Things to Do and Are Possibly Above This By Now.
2. Eventually flip pages loudly, murmuring now and then over an especially obnoxious-seeming Lalaloopsy doll or a particularly winsome 122-foot-long Hot Wheels racetrack.
3. When mother encourages you to indicate things Santa might want to bring, place careful checkmarks next to the most improbable items in the catalog, such as a Very Explodey-Looking Chemistry Set or a OMG HELL NO Ant Farm.
4. Randomly point out how suddenly very desirable a baby toy is, such as a foam bowling set or those really chunky little crayons made for tiny, chubby baby hands.
5. Furrow brow in confusion when mother bursts into tears, then calmly chew a cheese sandwich cracker as she begins her monologue on How Did You Get So Big, It’s Like You Were Only Born Yesterday, I Can’t Believe You’re Fiiiiiive. Consider offering her a tissue, then decide against it. Have another cracker instead.
6. Take a break from catalog browsing. For several days that border on many weeks. Inspire in family general sense of panic over a Santa list. Notice mother getting more wrinkly. Especially in the forehead area. So many…lines.
7. After 1,000th plea for an inkling of a Christmas list, grudgingly reclaim bright purple circling marker and trudge over to catalogs. After a few circles, discover within self a growing, urgent spirit of circling. Cackle wildly. End up with this.
(HELP EVERYTHING IS CIRCLED I DID THIS TO MYSELF AND WHAT THE HELL IS A RADIO CONTROL GIANT FLYING SHARK)
(ALSO: HAHAHA THE GUY FIERI “MINUTE TO WIN IT” VIDEO GAME. FINALLY, A PRESENT IDEA FOR ADAM.)
What child is this??
Mine tackles the toy catalogs the moment they enter the house and takes care of “circling absolutely everything” early on, so she can relax the rest of the month and watch us sweat.
You should buy that game for Adam for Christmas.
I toss all of the toy catalogs that come in the mail before they even make it into the house so that my daughter doesn’t get all excited circling them.
The only Christmas magazine I allow in the house is from Cabela’s.
Poor Guy Fieri can’t win for loosing can he? I say get the game anyways..It can be that “ha ha” gag gift.
I think a radio control giant flying shark sounds AWESOME!
Guy Fieri may be winsome.
A 122-foot Hot Wheels racetrack is not.
Believe it.
I’ve never ever had any luck with ant farms. As for the crazy circling of catalogs? Bear grabbed a lego catalog out of the post office recycle bin at the exact moment it’s owner was tossing it in- awkward to say the least
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my kids and your kid. long lost siblings. a
I tried getting the boys to circle things in the toy catalog. The Little one just picked out stuff that he already owns…am I a bad mom if I wrap those things up and give them to him again?