As I was on the phone with my mom earlier this week, I found myself complaining endlessly. I moaned about how Aura needed to poop more, how the rain has been washing pricey mulch down our driveway, how companies are killing the planet by sending me a thousand catalogs a week. I was just ramping up for a good grouse about cracks in the kitchen-tile grout when my mother interrupted me.”A lot’s been going on!” she mustered (lied) bravely.
“I know!” I exclaimed in agreement. “But why am I so crabby?”
Then it hit me. I WAS HUNGRY.
About two weeks ago, I went back on Weight Watchers, determined to lose the 10 or so post-Aura pounds I’m always harping about. I’ve been off and on the Weight Watchers program for years, ever since I gained—and then lost—a lot of weight sophomore year of college. As long as I follow the rules, WW works, without fail.
The world's oldest WW Points Finder. Notice non-diet-approved grease stain in center. Also, corners dogeared from famished death grip.
Yet somehow it seems SO MUCH WORSE this time. After months of not being all that diligent, I find myself lusting after that which I now can’t have, then trying to devise ways I can have it. Such mental effort is exhausting. And when I get tired, I get really peevish. Throw in starvation and I’m Someone to Avoid. Also, Someone to Divorce or Declare Emancipation From.
It’s gotten so bad that the good, decent part of me is becoming buried under the hungry, ruthless part of me. While I was eating lunch the other day, I saw one of those TV ads with Sally Struthers, where she asks for donations to help starving children in Africa. As I sipped my fat-free vegetable soup and watched, my first thought was, “Those poor kids. They don’t deserve such an awful life.” But then right after that I thought, “I bet those little buggers are REALLY, REALLY GRUMPY.”
Yes, yes. I know I'll end up here for that last sentence.
Such a restriction of calories is getting in the way of normal life—and normal behavior, for that matter. Case in point: Yesterday, one of the other preschool moms asked if Aura and I would like to join her and her little girl for an afterschool bakery trip. I looked at her, aghast. How was I supposed to sit in a bakery, its confines practically wallpapered with buttercream frosting? I opened my mouth to yell, “What’s next? Giving me a crack pipe, then LIGHTING IT FOR ME?” but thought better of it. Starving, yes. Certifiably loony, not quite yet. At least in public.
From the actual bakery's Web site. You see what I mean. (Droooool.)
So far, three pounds down. I may waste away before I lose the other seven. Either that or be committed somewhere with padded walls but hopefully yummy food. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to stare down a box of cookies.
Great insights. It IS harder to “do it again” after you’ve have a significant loss and regain. There’s an awesome book called “THIN FOR LIFE” – have you read that? It uses studies of actual “success” stories and talks about what they have in common. not a “magic pill” but any means, but thought provoking about what really has to change for lasting weight loss.
You said the most critical thing: WW works if I follow the plan. I think anything will work if you plan it and follow it…and to do that, you have to make it NOT AN OPTION not to. When you believe in your soul that there is not an option, the crabby feeling will go away. That’s my 2 cents!
Good luck with your journey!
A drop in blood sugar can send me into a downward spiral of crabby. It’s a known fact. This is my excuse for not dieting.
I hear celery has negative calories though. It takes more energy for your body to eat & digest it than it contains. Perhaps you could try gnawing on that all day.
I can absolutely relate to this. At first it’s all happiness, then it sinks in about how much we’re being denied. I get pissed when I see other people eating pastries, and bagged salty snacks, and ice cream. I start getting super cranky! Then I begin the fantasies and eventually I end up in the middle of a big fat me surrounded by empty bags and containers of yumminess. It’s the cycle of my life.
You know, I *thought* you seemed just a little too happy that Aura decided against eating that hummus-and-ham rollup at the park, and that you declared “It’s okay, I’ll eat it” just a little too quickly. Poor thing. (FYI it was made with a whole-wheat tortilla, so between that and all the protein it only couted as, like, 0.4 points. Which leaves lots of points for buttercream).
I am so easily derailed by cupcakes it isn’t even funny. I think you just made my butt grow two sizes.
Diets are cruel, especially when cupcakes are taunting you!
Have a Happy Mother’s Day!
I was thinking about how I need to waddle back to WW. I don’t want to but I NEED to. My poor, poor family. It’s not going to be pretty.
First things first–The Surferwife and I have a special section in Hell roped off, ready and waiting for us. There will be liquor. You’re totally invited!
Secondly, avoid my blog in the middle of June because I have a couple cakes to make. Sorry. I will try and send you advance warning.
Thirdly, you’re doing great.
I hear the places with padded walls don’t serve such yummy food. Trust me, I know.
Hope Mother’s Day was fun!
Dude. I know just how you feel. I’m not doing the weight watchers thing, but I am doing the watching-my-weight thing, which is pretty much the same thing. And now that I’m seeing a little bit of loss, I am definitely more motivated, but the grumpiness thing does happen to me too.
My weakness, though, is Mexican food… cheesy, greasy, awesome mexican food. YUM.
I’ve been trying to give up my extra cup of coffee each morning and THAT’S not even going well. You’re talking about awarding points to solid foods?! You must be a saint!!!!!! Stay strong, stay strong- we all admire you, for sure!
Hunger always makes me so so grumpy. And now I’m wondering which Boston bakery that delicious cupcake is from, so I can make a visit and devour one
Oh, I’m sorry. Being hungry and grumpy’s the worst. You need to find something sweet like fruit that you can get that sugar fix!
It’s hard.
Oh my God, I totally want my house wallpapered in frosting. Sure, I’d have diabetes within a week but it would be WORTH IT.
My husband can always tell when I’m hungry because I turn into an enourmous b*tch. Of course it always just makes me want to eat his face off for saying so. Too bad we can sit around and stare down the cookies together. Dieting is so much more fun when you can hate on everything and everyone with a friend. And not alone.