You know, I had really hoped current pop music would improve after my earlier post on the subject. As luck would have it, industry gurus do not read my blog. However, people searching for “why does Rachel Ray’s voice sound bad” and “waistband of underpants showing” evidently do, so there is that.
But! I have this news flash: Pop music has become even worse. God help us, Ke$ha was apparently only the tip of the iceberg. Without further ado, I present to you Springtime Pop Lyrics: The Anatomy Edition.
California Gurls, Katy Perry, featuring Snoop Dogg
California girls, we’re unforgettable
Daisy dukes, bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin, so hot will melt your popsicle
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
California girls, we’re undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce, we got it on lock
West coast represent, now put your hands up
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
You know the popsicle thing is the result of the songwriting team’s need for a phallic double entendre somewhere in the song. Banana? Candy bar? Stonehenge? The brainstorming was going decently, until Snoop Dogg arrived at the studio and everyone had to stop to explain what a double entendre is. And honestly, there’s nothing like explaining “double entendre” to a 39-year-old man with unfortunate braids to really take the fun out of the concept. You can almost hear Katy Perry saying, “Oh, screw it. Just make it popsicle. And will someone come over here and FORCE MY DAMN BREASTS BACK INTO MY SHIRT.”
Today Was a Fairytale, Taylor Swift
Time slows down whenever you’re around
I can feel my heart
It’s beating in my chest
Did you feel it?
I can’t put this down
Well, all I can say about that is THANK GOD. Taylor seems like a sweet girl, and I’d hate to think of her having a heart beating anywhere but in her chest. Then again, it might be beating somewhere else, but we’ll never know. I mean, would you go around telling people if your heart was beating in your shin or your elbow?
Exactly.
Carry Out, Timbaland, featuring Justin Timberlake
Let me get my ticket baby, let me get it line
I can tell the way you like it, baby, supersized
Hold on, you got yours, let me get mine
I ain’t leavin’ till they turn over the closed sign
Take my order cause your body like a
Carry out
Let me walk into your body until you
Hear me out
Turn me on, my baby don’t you
Cut me out
Turn me on, my baby don’t you
Cut me out
Now I know I should be concentrating on the whole treating-a-woman-like-she’s-a-fast-food-order thing. Yes, yes. Offensive, demeaning, imbecilic. But the thing I just can’t get past is this image of Jessica Biel and Cameron Diaz leaning on each other for support as they roar in hysterical laughter. “Did Justin just say SUPERSIZED?” screams Cameron, tears running uncontrollably down her cheeks. “YES!!!” answers Jessica, a fresh wave of guffaws knocking her to the ground.
Sigh. That’s it. From now on, it’s instrumental songs only. I mean it this time. Until the summer lyrics post, in which I will totally reveal how I have broken that promise. In the meantime, do me a favor and buy me some Adam Lambert tickets.
I almost had to pull over the car the first time I hear the “Carry Out” lyrics. I mean seriously? is Justin trying to make fast food sexy? why not add a line like “spread those greasy fries all over my thighs”? I say go all the way since you’re the one who decided to write lyrics about Fast Food for heaven’s sake!
I am still impressed by your knowledge of pop music. I think the last time I recognized a contemporary song on the radio was some little ditty by a powerhouse band called Smashmouth.
“unfortunate braids” – classic!
I agree with you – the lyrics just get dumber and dumber. Or maybe we’re getting older and older? Nah.
HAHAHA… LOVE the Jessica/Cameron conversation!! Just perfect! But lies, it’s all lies… because MY Justin IS supersized, baby. In my dreams he is, anyway. Oh yeah.
And I’d just like to take a moment to say that I hate K$sha. I hate her voice, how she spells her stupid name and her physical appearance. Everything about her makes me wanna puke. ICK.
it makes me feel old. i often have to listen closely and i think to myself “did they really just say that?!”….when i was like 17 i would have been belting out the lyrics at the top of my lungs. now i laugh uncontrollably at the stupidness. i guess i am a grown up. sads.
When I’m listening to the radio and I hear the things they bleep out and don’t bleep out, I often think we’d be better off hearing the bleeps than the stuff that makes it on air.
Lyrics to the song “Carry Out” = Bad.
Justin Timberlake in the video for the song “Carry Out” = Good.
I don’t care what he’s saying. He looks hot.
I would have expected nothing less from Katie Perry. She kissed a girl. And she liked it.
I confess, I don’t know anything about most of the contemporary pop stuff on the radio, but I DO know those lyrics are terrible. And I listen to country music, where they sing about dogs and trucks and fishing ponds! I’m a Taylor Swift fan (who can’t believe I just admitted that!), but a lot of her lyrics are very, very bad.
The Cameron/Jessica conversation is classic, though. Never really understood the attraction to him myself…he always looks…scruffy, or something.
I guess we feel now like our parents did with rock and roll….they thought it was going to be the end of us, but it wasn’t and I HAVE to hope and pray that the same holds for us….that our kids are taught enough at home that they won’t end up personifying the lyrics they listen to.
Hopefully, we all shall survive……
I know… but then there’s Pink. Who I adore. How do you feel about Pink??
We can’t even listen to the radio when the kids are in the car. Things get sung, and they don’t even know what they’re saying.
The 80′s and 90′s station for us.
No wonder kids want to be having sex all the time, listen to those lyrics!! You’ve got the hormones already surging, and you throw that stuff in..sheesh.
It is sometimes amazing the search terms people find one’s blog with. I’m glad I’m not the only one who reads them with fascination. Problem is you can’t blog about them, or you’ll start getting ALL the traffic for “underpants showing”/
I keep putting these kinds of songs on in hopes that my husband gets in the mood…so far he’s just moody.
I’ll keep you posted.
Brilliant. Can’t wait for the summer lyrics post. And I swear I was not the one who googled “waistband of underpants showing.” Too funny!
We Zumba to that last song. I think it’s a tad ironic to be exercising to a song that refers to fast food.
Aw, I love Adam Lambert.
And the instant we heard the Katy Perry song my husband and I had this conversation:
Me: You know this damn song is going to be on all summer.
Him: But it’s awful
Me: That’s how you know it will be on all summer. Plus, she said bikini.
Him: But it’s awful
Me: That’s my point.
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