Last Christmas, Adam gave me a Kindle. I was completely surprised, since I hadn’t asked for or really ever thought much about an e-book reader. I’d always been a library kind of gal, only actually exchanging money for a book on extreme occasions. “Wow!” I said, looking down at the Kindle. “Wow, wow!” I continued,…
Lately, Aura has been brandishing this toy lipstick, a stealthy plastic thing that infiltrated the house via a toy hairdressing set, hidden as it was in the package behind a toy straightening iron. Since I don’t allow her to have other pretend makeup-y things yet, Aura considers the lipstick a rogue and therefore all-the-more-beloved treasure….
The other day, I was regaling a friend with a story of the previous night, a rather atypical evening riddled with Aura’s 10 and 11 p.m. wake-ups and then her sudden bout of midnight-timed chatter. “Oh, you poor thing,” the other mother said when I finished. “You must be so tired, not having gone to…
Three months or so after Easter, I have a Good Friday confession to make: I hit a bunny. With my car. On Good Friday. I’m still not sure how it happened, except that I was driving and then there was a bunny in front of the car, and then…then there was no more bunny. It…
Apparently, the planets have aligned, the stars have crossed, and a ritual sacrifice of a Polly Pocket or two (RELAX, one of them was already missing her left arm and the other one bore an off-putting resemblance to Mickey Rourke) has been made, for we have a babysitter. This is a rare occurrence, so rare…
So! I came down with a slight cold this week! And guess what I suddenly remembered! !!! SUDAFED IS THE GREATEST CREATION EVER! Seriously, you guys. Have you had a Sudafed lately? The real stuff, with the actual pseudoephedrine? The thing is like a miracle drug. My appetite, normally a raging monster that can sense…
THE TOP TWO WAYS I KNOW I’M NOT A GIRLY ENOUGH GIRL #1: Facial Hatred Sometime last month, I scheduled a long overdue facial, determined to finally use the spa gift card I had received two Christmases earlier. As I was leaving for the appointment, Adam innocently said, “Have fun!” “LIKE THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN!” I hissed, giving…
Because, you know, buying a deep-fat fryer and using Twitter are both things I swore up and down and upon several different peoples’ lives I would never do. But here I am, with a real Twitter username and background and everything. I am so bitterly disappointed in myself that I would be tempted to do…
As I was on the phone with my mom earlier this week, I found myself complaining endlessly. I moaned about how Aura needed to poop more, how the rain has been washing pricey mulch down our driveway, how companies are killing the planet by sending me a thousand catalogs a week. I was just ramping up for a good grouse…
A month or so ago, Aura and I were rattling around the latest sale at Kohl’s. Painfully aware that my delicate underthings had lately been looking more threadbare than delicate, I directed Aura to follow me to the lingerie department, where I was determined I would find at least a couple of new bras. As I’ve mentioned before, Aura is…