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Category Archives: four years old

I would have also inquired about recess, but I’m not Superwoman, you know.

Remember that whole situation back in 2003 with CIA operative Valerie Plame? Someone who supposedly wasn’t supposed to talk talked and then words were published and all hell briefly broke loose? That? That wouldn’t have happened if someone in this family had been involved. As you can see: [Scene: Kindergarten pick-up. Noon. On a Monday….

Suffice it to say that from now on I’m going on long, medicated vacations in early September.

So, I didn’t sleep very well last night. I kept waking up and rolling over to look at the clock, kind of like you do when you know you have an early flight in the morning and you’re terrified that you’ll wake up too late to get to the airport. Except, you know, I’m not…

Sally may sell seashells at the seashore, but we whack waves with (w)abandon.

It always gives me a gigantic thrill to see Aura run straight to the waves when we visit my mother in RI, to watch the way she throws her typical caution to the salty wind and splashes right in, going deeper until we warn her to stop. I take greedy breaths of the ocean air,…

It could have been worse. He could have liked to buy meth.

So, the day before Aura graduates from preschool, Adam wants to call a parent-teacher conference. All because he thinks Aura’s teacher is prejudiced against alcohol. Let me back up here and explain. Since school ends before Father’s Day, the kids made premature “My Dad is Great” cards that they then brought home yesterday. The card…

For what it’s worth, taffeta is hell on wheels around rice and beans.

Kate’s Tips for Surviving Your Child’s First Dance Recital 1. Know your own hair limitations. After you attempt to put your four-year-old’s hair in a “ballerina bun” 501 times and she continues to resemble a geisha after a particularly rough night, admit defeat and pay an actual stylist. Ignore all Toddlers & Tiaras guilt and…

However, by 2019, braces might be the new skinny jeans.

So! Hark! Ahoy! I return only days one week ohmygodFINEtwoweeks after my triumphant and sophisticated discussion of phone-related bathroom habits. I’m not quite sure how one follows up a post like that, but I’ll head out on a limb here and try childhood torture. You see, Aura is a thumbsucker. She has been since three…

Yet Toys ‘R Us downright refuses to sell toy orthopedists.

When I look at Aura, the vast majority of the time I find her to be a bright, articulate, rather good-looking child. But then there are moments when I gaze upon her and think she might be halfway insane. Granted, I mean halfway insane in the kind, creative sense, more Georgia O’Keefe I-see-vaginas-in-flowers than Charlie…

But if there is even a hint of eyeliner, we are out of there.

Last fall, Aura started ballet lessons. Well, lessons might be too strong a term. More like a half-hour class where three and four-year-olds listen vaguely to instructions, then kind of wander around the studio, admiring their leotards in the wall mirrors and humming tunelessly to themselves. Everyone comes alive when the trampolines appear, but by…

I could have called her Twerphead, but that would seem…unkind.

Hello! Anyone out there? I’d normally be able to see you, but the combination of blog-gathering dust and the, oh, FIVE HUNDRED FEET OF SNOW outside is cutting down on visibility. Luckily, there’s nothing better for defrosting a dormant blog than a healthy dose of letting-off-steamishness. Extra luckily, I have just the subject. And her…