As we were lying in bed with Aura the other night, reading her some princess story or another, I couldn’t help but snort with derision. “Seriously?” I muttered to Adam. “Am I going to have to burn my bra before someone finally calls Gloria Steinem?” He shushed me and continued the tale, which, if I’m remembering correctly, involved frog kissing and Machiavellian family members and eventually a wedding attended by a variety of exceedingly friendly wildlife.
That princess book was pretty much the only princess book Aura has ever chosen from the library. THANK GOD.
This is how I feel about THAT ONE.
Wait. It’s not just me, is it? There are others out there who hear princess stories and gag on the offensiveness and tiresomeness of it all, right? I mean, COME ON. Sure, pickings were slim in the Women’s Lifestyle Changes Department centuries ago, when most of these fairy tales were first penned. But marrying well cannot possibly still count as true ambition, at least not in this day and age. You don’t find the quest for royal marriage in most of Disney’s “boy stories,” do you? Nope. In those stories, talking cars win championship races and save floundering towns. I have yet to see one championship in a princess story, other than the breathless battle to get home by midnight without losing your other glass slipper.
A GLASS SLIPPER, PEOPLE. Cinderella runs around in shoes made of GLASS. As in glass that SHATTERS and CUTS and MAIMS. Yet I’m the one going to jail if Aura rides her tricycle on the driveway without a helmet.
ALSO. Real feet are not as small as a royal messenger's hand. I don't think. (I'm a size 9. So.)
Oddly, the princesses-are-always-beautful thing doesn’t really bother me. Of course I don’t think little girls should be obsessed with their appearance. But I enjoy an eyebrow wax and pedicure as much as the next girl, and I don’t think the unending global search for physical perfection is going to, well, end. (To clarify: I don’t actually enjoy waxing. As a matter of fact, I can think of approximately 472,000 things I’d rather do than have my eyebrows waxed. However, THIS IS WHAT SNOW WHITE TAUGHT ME.)
There is no way those suckers got that way through simple plucking.
I guess all I’m saying is that when we’re auditioning for role models, maybe princesses shouldn’t be first in line. At least not until they bulk up their resumes. I for one am going to need something besides First twenty years of life: Scrubbed and cleaned; locked in room by evil stepmother/witch/absentee father; escaped through help of magic/woodland creatures/plot hole; found salvation in figurehead royalty. For pete’s sake, Rapunzel spent eons locked in that tower, doing nothing but growing hair. Couldn’t she have once thought, “Hey! You know what I’m doing when I get out of here? I’M GOING TO GET MY FREAKIN’ M.B.A.!”
Perhaps I'm aiming a bit high in this case. If not the M.B.A., then at least a cosmetology license.
Recently, as we were running late for an appointment, Aura lingered in the hallway, trying to zip her jacket. “No, Mommy!” she cried out when I tried to help her, swatting my hands away. “I want to do it by myself!”
It was all I could do not to keep rushing her or tell her to forget zipping up altogether. Instead, for once, I forced myself to simply stand and wait. And after a couple of minutes, she did zip the jacket.
“Look, Mommy!” she exclaimed happily. “I did it all by myself!”
That? That right there is the only kind of princess story she needs.
And this is why my favorite book for Caroline is Robert Munsch’s “The Paper Bag Princess”- if you haven’t read it yet, it’s fantastic. The princess rescues the prince from the dragon who has kidnapped him and all the snooty ass can comment on is how messy she got doing it. So she gives him a dressing down and ditches his marriage proposal. LOVE iT!!!!
Before I had the boys I thought of all these same things. I vowed that if I had girls, they would not be allowed to watch stupid Disney Princess movies. Which, in hindsight, is probably ridiculous. But I totally agree with you, and think you should probably start some kind of support page on Facebook or something.
Bravo! Thankfully I haven’t had to discuss my issues with Disney princesesses since Bear isn’t really into them and my nieces only loves on Mary Poppins and Curious George, so for the time being I’m safe.
You said it sister! We did our time with princess land, though brief. I thought the same things as you.
As I sat here reading this, Haley was right next to me pointing out all the different princesses. And then she immediately went back to watching Scooby Do which followed Avatar cartoons. Having an older brother takes a lot of the princess love out of the equation.
Tell me your thoughts on Princess Fiona? She is a pretty tough broad.
If I see one more Disney princess thing I’ll scream. Seriously. The Paper Bag Princess is a must-read; it’s anti-prince-on-white-horse in a gentle fun way.
Great post!
Re: Snow White.
Definitely not plucking. It looks like she draws them on.
I never got the princess fascination. I’ve always loved unicorns and crap like that, but never once as a kid did I want to be a princess and think some handsome prince was going to come take me away. Maybe it’s because my parents got divorced when I was really young.
I definitely do remember being completely confused as to how Cinderella could wear glass shoes and never cut herself.
Even as a kid I was never into Barbie and princesses. Except for Sleeping Beauty but that was only because I had a crush on Prince Phillip and Maleficient is the best villain ever.
But the rest of them? So whiny…
This was hilarious and brilliant. And I loved the defamed princess pics sprinkled throughout. I have boys so I haven’t really confronted the gory princess spectacle head on, to be honest. But it is kind of sickening in its Pepto Bismol colors and life view. I’m with you. We should write the anti-princess story in which we all burn our bras and rescue dithering men who are growing their nose and/or ear hair long enough to be rescued out of dragon guarded towers. Cuz you know. They couldn’t make it without us even if they tried. And you KNOW that’s true.
Wasn’t the original Cinderella story rather more, er, Grimm than the Disney version? I seem to recall the elder sisters choppingoff their toes and heels in an attempt to fit into the glass slippers. Guess it’s not really that different from plastic surgery, so there you go. (Go where, exactly, I’m not sure…so forgive me).