And I didn’t even trip and fall flat on my face. Much.

Look! I survived BlogHer ’10! And I am here to tell you about it!

Actually, you don’t need me to give you the lowdown. There are an armload of splendidly written BlogHer recaps out there, many of them written by lovely women I myself met this past weekend, and to whom I hope to link in future posts. (Special shout-out to Taryn, who was as spectacular a roommate as she is a blogger.)

For now, just take comfort in the fact that I made it to and from BlogHer unscathed, even though I inhaled an entire king-size bag of candy on the way there. To, you know, deal with the stress. Some others might try to sway you into thinking that it’s chamomile that soothes nerves, but I’m here to open your eyes to the truth and its name is Pretzel M&Ms.

There were a bevy of fantastic moments, as well as a collection of really great tips, many of which will surely and undoubtedly lead me to transform this blog from a humommi blog (moment of revelation on train to New York:  COMBINE “HUMOR” AND “MOMMY” BUT SPELL IT WEIRDLY AND THEY WILL COME) to The Great Moneymaking Blog of This Century. There were also especially good snacks at break time. Someone in some country somewhere really should make the soft pretzel their national foodstuff. FYI.

So, yes: It was wonderful and educational and inspiring and I have approximately two million bags of swag to prove it. (And someday soon I will pull out said swag and do a fitting swag post. If you’re all nice in upcoming days, I might even mention the bacon lollipop and the girdle. Hell, I might even do a bacon lollipop giveaway. But, again, remember the niceness.)

Oh, lest I forget–there was one awkward moment. I was lingering near the McDonald’s megabooth in the Exhibit Hall, trying to consolidate the morning’s swag haul into one bag (because apparently BlogHer is TOO GOOD for swag porters), when I felt someone stop next to me. “Look at that!” a man’s voice boomed. “We have the same taste in shoes!”

I looked down at my red heels and then up into the smiling, slightly demonic face of Ronald McDonald. And because I wasn’t sure how else to respond, I simply said, in typical witty fashion (again, the HUMOMMI), “Yeah, but I bet your pedicure is better.”

Turns out that was exactlythe right thing to say, for what followed was one of the best conversations I had during the conference. Unfortunately, it came to an abrupt end when I innocently inquired as to why Ronald’s cohorts of my youth–Hamburgler, the Fry Guys, etc.–no longer made appearances in marketing materials.

I tell you: You make one mention of Grimace and it’s like Ronald completely shuts down. There’s a backstory there; I can feel it in my bones. As a matter of fact, I’m going to research it and then blog about it. You better believe BlogHer 2011 will want me as a panelist once I have my Pulitzer. THEY WON’T BE ABLE TO RESIST.